Don't make out with my wife yet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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