turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
