Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
