Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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