Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
