They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
