My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
