dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
