You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
