I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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