my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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