The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We got so high we made milksteak
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
