question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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