the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
