If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize