Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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