Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
