I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
