Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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