get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
