Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
