i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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