Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
