we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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