I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
