You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
