I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
