just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
