im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
