We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
