Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hippo gnu deer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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