No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
