I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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