Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
