Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
