I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
