Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
