That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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