Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
