areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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