So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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