Quick, to the slutcave!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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