Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
