Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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