I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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