No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
