She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
