I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
