I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
