Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
