About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
