I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
