i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
