The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
