I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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