oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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