So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
