In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
