My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
