You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
