the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
