if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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