On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
where does the pee come out of this thing
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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