omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
