yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do vagina's smell?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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