When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
