don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
