I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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