Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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