Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
