Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize